I get a lot of the same worries/fears/unrealistic expectations expressed by my clients, many from younger inexperienced potential new slaves, but not always. Some people just seem to have a little trouble coming to terms with their fetish or fantasy. Lots of these worries appear to stem from guilt of some kind, or the fear of being ‘found out’, most commonly the guilt coming from the feeling they are being dishonest or unfaithful to their partner. Ultimately this is something you need to come to terms with in your own mind, but carrying guilt or trying to suppress your fetish or ‘need’ is bound to lead to unhappiness. There are so many things in life that can contribute to unhappiness, it would be a shame that ‘sex’ or your own sexual identity should be one of them, it should be the opposite.
I happen to believe that the orgasm is one of life’s great pleasures and it is totally free (not for a slave of course, but it should be at least free of guilt). If your desire is strong enough for you to seek out a Domanatrix, reveal to her some of your most personal thoughts and feelings and to pay her (well deserved) fee, I think it is worth addressing, free from guilt.
The feelings of being dishonest or unfaithful show that you are a decent, caring person that genuinely cares for their partner, which is great, but it will not satisfy your cravings. You are denying yourself a huge amount of pleasure and satisfaction or marring the experience, being involved in a relationship and the wish to please and satisfy your partner (chances are they don’t share your fetish/fantasy, therefore simply don’t or cannot understand it) can mean that your needs in this area cannot be met. I am very fond of a lot of my clients and they are, on the whole, lovely people, however, I am a professional and my involvement with you begins and ends within the agreed time period of our session. Despite (I hope) your wish to please your mistress, in truth it is a time when you are completely selfish with your requirements (provided they are within our agreed limits). In short, you go home (potentially happier and easier to live with), forget about me (if you wish) or keep our session with you as a private part of yourself (this is allowed), until next time – easy. You also have the added extra of providing me with enjoyment and amusement and helping me to do a job that I love which also allows me to live well. How lucky are we both!
There are also questions people seem to have relating to feeling ‘abnormal’ or confusion as to where these feelings originate, some can figure it out, most can’t. My thoughts are that, as long as you aren’t hurting another person or animal and there is full understanding and consent, give yourself a break – you aren’t doing anything ‘wrong’. Chances are your friends don’t talk about their own ‘kinks’, how do you know what turns them on? It’s a subject that is generally not discussed.
The ‘does this make me gay?’ question often arises when connected with the desire to cross dress or strap-on sessions, if you were gay would you seek out a female to share this with? Of course not. Perhaps you do have a gay or bi fantasy, so what, so do I ( I certainly don’t feel guilty or even think about why or what category this puts me in), it doesn’t always mean you have to act on it and make it happen in reality, and if you do, so long as everybody is safe and consenting, no harm done.
Although it is difficult, we should all try to not let the judgement of society spoil our fun, it’s just sex and nobody needs to know anyway. My absolute discretion is guaranteed.
That brings me nicely to addressing any fears you may have about privacy or discretion. I am fully aware that judgement and discrimination exists surrounding BDSM activities ( I have experienced this first hand), therefore I am the first to recognise the importance of discretion, it is also important to me, nobody else needs to know and it is none of their business anyway. I am not ashamed of what I do in any way but I am only human and a fairly private one, I like to keep it on a ‘need to know’ basis. For that reason you can trust me to a) NEVER contact you without prior arrangement or b) discuss session details or disclose anybodies identity EVER.
I work from a purpose built flat, I am not overlooked, nobody can see or cares what intercom buzzer you are pressing, I appreciate and expect the same level of discretion from my clients to me.
To touch briefly on expectations, as with any sex (or pretty much anything represented on the TV or internet), please don’t watch lots of porn and expect this to be what happens in reality, each situation is completely different and everybody has different limits, I will always endeavor to push client boundaries but how much pain you can take is not a badge of honour, you may feel different from one day to the next and the amount of pain you can take is something that is often built up over time. The important thing is OUR enjoyment of the session, I can and enjoy pushing your boundaries and limits and will expect you to please me in this but we need to establish them first.
Also a pet hate with me, and i’m sure most Dommes is the ‘I want to be caned mercilessly but can’t be marked’ I’m not a magician and you need to be realistic and manage your own expectations too.
I would like to think I have allayed some of your worries in this blog, but I am always happy to talk through your individual worries or issues pre or post session.
Thanks for reading folks. Celeste. X
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