Hi there to anyone who may read this. I’m having an annoying attack of insomnia and as it’s a Friday (technically Saturday), and Friday is traditionally a day of getting particularly idiotic phone calls and emails, my mind has turned to all the amusing, ridiculous and generally annoying people that have contacted me in the last few months. Just as a quick overview, if you were thinking of asking:-
– I don’t want to roll you into a cigarette and smoke you.
– I don’t want to eat you as though you were a roast dinner.
– I don’t want to kidnap your wife and shave her head.
– I don’t want to tell you whether or not to divorce your wife.
– I don’t want you to spend your life in my bathroom being my toilet (I find it tricky enough to go in a public loo, let alone directly into someones mouth).
– I don’t want (or even think it’s possible) to slap or rather ‘slape’, as the writer put it, you to death! How long would that take for fucks sake!
Alas the list could probably go on and on, they are just some of the ones that stand out in my mind, but, to be fair, have made me laugh. The rest of the dross, timewasters and liars all kind of blend into one.
I don’t wish to sound negative, and it is a hazard of the job. When I get genuine clients they tend to be respectful, and great fun and if you want to call with a stupid request make it memorable and imaginative as it quite often brings a smile to my face on a long and sleepless night.
May sleep visit me swiftly. Goodnight. X
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